I decided to become an overachiever at 3 o’clock in morning. It wasn’t the best hour to be focused and goal oriented, I repeatedly told myself to go to sleep. Ugh!
Why is it we decide to talk to ourselves at the most inconvenient times? Doesn’t it feel good to solve problems at the end of the day? Doesn’t it feel good to solve problems at any time of the day? But this I know, it doesn’t feel good to start creating problems at 3 o’clock in the morning!
Realizing the things I feared were nothing but false evidence appearing real, FEAR! Will I be liked, will I fail, will people understand me, will I amount to anything? I want to be an effective and productive and valuable human being. Don’t most of us?
Something I learned while living in a federal prison camp in cube 44…
While having no agenda it created an opening to become very small… All of my achievements were not all of me, nor were my failures all of me… Nothing is the whole me or the great me.
“You cannot push the river”, learn to trust the flow. It is a process that takes immense confidence and trust in God. Engineering my life at 3 o’clock in the morning, actually taught me something. Oh Yay!
The gift of contemplative prayer is explained in the book titled Everything Belongs by one of my favorite authors Richard Rohr. He states, to stay in God’s hands, to trust, means that to a certain degree one has to stop taking a hold of oneself and hold instead a degree of uncertainty, fear and tension. It takes both practice and grace.
I can’t stand the practice but I love the grace! Woo-woo!