Do you talk to yourself? Often? Some of my most fascinating conversations are with myself, if I can remember them. If you have been following my blog, you will know I have been searching for true love.
This new search comes after marrying three times, raising three kids, a successful career and spending a little time in a Federal Prison. Don’t I sound like the typical “girl next door”?
What is true love? Why do we call it “true” love? Would you ever say, “I’m looking for false love”? And what would that be?
My idea of love was crushed at 5:45 this morning. As I was reading in my cozy chair with a little pumpkin spice creamer in my coffee and pine scented candles, I had a slight emphiny. I haven’t decided if this was good or bad, yet.
I was drawn to the verse from 2 Timothy, 1:7 which says, For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and a sound mind. This chapter are apostle Paul’s last words written, while mentoring the young and timid Timothy, who was overwhelmed by his leadership role. These words were to stir up Timothy’s spiritual gifts from God, but it did something to me.
Fear, power and love I understand, it’s the “sound mind” that caused me to rethink. When I think about love, do I use my unsound mind, my fantasy mind?
When a dream-builder coach asked me what a perfect day with my true love might look like, this is what I imagined. My perfect day begins after a restful night’s sleep. I get up early and enjoy delicious coffee, while reading quietly in my cozy chair. Someone takes the dog out and gives him his medicine, not me. A light breakfast is served on the outdoor veranda, overlooking the Pacific Coast. Now, my true love and I head to the gym.
We have an intense workout, not together, he does his thing and I do mine. Returning home to a sparkling clean home, someone else cleaned, not me, we enjoy a healthy brunch on the veranda, once again. After our massages and my hair blow out, we go shopping for household items for our quaint second home in the mountains.
Together we share an appreciation for the mountains especially during the fall. The changing colors of orange, red and yellow leaves, sunflowers, hay rides, ginger, clover, handmade blankets and homemade candles. Cowboy hats, worn out jeans, boots and horses. We hold hands as we stroll through main street galleries, markets and arts and crafts shops.
He is an absolutely gorgeous man with an undying desire to treat me like a princess. He is a thinker with a keen sense of knowing and understanding my unforeseen needs, desires and actions. He knows I want ice-cream or a new pair of shoes before I ask! Yes, he is a bit of a mind reader. (I must be careful).
We do not carry cell phones, so sipping red wine and eating juicy steaks for lunch without interruptions, shields us from the distractions of the outside world. We live a vacation life.
After lunch we return to our 6 bedroom, 5300 sf mountain cabin retreat, and rock ourselves to sleep in our handcrafted twig rockers. The afternoon is quiet and peaceful.
The smell of turkey, sweet potatoes and cornbread begins to linger from the kitchen. Our chef has been busy preparing for our family and friends who are soon to arrive. The cabin is accented with fresh mums in every color, the harvest table made from reclaimed wood is exquisitely set with cabin decor dinnerware and red goblets placed on a classic plaid table cloth with a touch of gold lame thread. We have brought a picture perfect setting to real life.
Hugging and cuddling with enormous gratification for all we have and being able to share with others. My true love is beautiful inside and out.
He is loyal, honest, educated, athletic, funny, and a very good dancer, aside from investing well and not working. He loves my loud laugh, crazy hair and my mood swings. Rarely does he leave the toilet seat up, or make me go to the gas station. When I am tired, he is energized from massaging my feet, and drawing my bath water. I’m never cold at bedtime, because he holds me just right and long enough for me to return to warm temperatures. Then he lets me sleep!
Does this describe a “sound mind” or is it an “out of mind”, mind? Unfulfilled fantasies can be dangerous, especially when those fantasies keep you from enjoying the realities of your own life. Is this keeping me from finding my “true love”?
A sound mind is a smaller mind, we can choose our own thoughts, if we are disciplined. Staying mindful on the positive attributes or gifts of others rather than what is missing, will be the beginning to finding my “true love”.