Finding love in the age of online dating is like trying to stick a marshmallow in a parking meter. It’s difficult. Marshmallows don’t fit in parking meters!
The minute I saw him standing outside the restaurant waiting for me, I knew. I knew he didn’t lie about his height, he was tall (you know I don’t date short men) (please don’t hate me for that).
It was 4 o’clock on a beautiful Thursday afternoon. We sat down at the bar and each ordered a glass of wine. I thought he might be a wine connoisseur after he engaged the bartender in an inquiry of the types of wines offered. It was easy for me, Santa Margherita Pinot Grigio and a glass of house wine for him. The first sip of wine was smooth, like melted marshmallows.
I wanted to turn my barstool so I could face him. However, it had become a challenge. The stool wouldn’t budge. He had decided to place his foot on my barstool foot rest. (I know his legs were long, and he needed to stretch, but c’mon). Don’t you think he encroached on my personal space? After several pain staking attempts to move my stool, he finally lifted his foot! Once my stool was facing the right direction, he put his foot back on my foot rest. Ugh! Need for second sip of wine.
During the wrestling match between his foot and my barstool, I couldn’t help but notice his shoes. Women can tell a lot about a man by the kinds of shoes he wears, right women? It was obvious he had big feet and I wasn’t sure if that said something about a man too? (I’m not going there; my kids will be unforgivingly mad at me).
My inner voice was curious why he was wearing steel toed shoes. Maybe he was coming from work, right? At least he had a job, right? Maybe he was protecting himself, in case I was a lunatic. (at times, I am).
He was polite and made recommendations as to what to order, (although mainly appetizers.) I’ve always been attracted to men who have the courage to take initiative. I don’t know what happened over the years, most men I meet today are too unsure of themselves.
They’re lost in conversation, like little marshmallows floating in a mug of hot chocolate. What kind of person compares dates with marshmallows?
There’s nothing wrong with eating only appetizers, my girlfriends and I do it all the time. It wasn’t a big deal he ordered the house wine and proceeded for the next 30 minutes telling me where he ate for half-price. Thrifty is good, I can be thrifty, nothing wrong with thrifty. I felt bad, my wine was nine dollars a glass.
He spoke extremely soft, and I found myself unable to hear him. Naturally I leaned forward in hopes I would be able to better understand him. Perhaps it was one of his tactics to draw me closer to him and it worked for a while, until my own inner voice got too loud.
My inner voice commanded me to continue sipping wine as needed. What if he did speak softly, and I had to strain to hear him? People wear hearing aids all the time, I could do that. (I’m not going to do that).
After observing his behavior, mannerisms and the way he spoke, I knew I was a horrible person.
It’s when I noticed something I never dreamed. During his sentence, (although I could barely hear him,) I astonishingly lost my appetite. While trying to read his lips I could see bubbles of spit flying from his mouth and if that wasn’t enough the bubbles were landing on my bare thigh. (I am scarred for life). Inner voice now says, “Finish wine, offer to pay and time to leave”.
In conclusion and 55 minutes later, I chalked up another online date.
I felt horrible because of my judgment, until I shared my story with a friend.
He told me I wasn’t horrible, nor my date. He said we just didn’t fit. That’s when it hit me, and I replied, “Online dating is like trying to stuff a marshmallow in a parking meter, it doesn’t always fit”.