why do i write

Occasionally I’m asked, “Holly why do you do write this stuff”?  My answer is usually the same…”I really don’t know”.  So lately, I have been giving thought to the question.

After giving thought, (and it wasn’t a passing thought, I really thought about it), my answer is still the same….”I really don’t know”.

It’s my observation, that my answer doesn’t satisfy the people asking the question.  Why? I think people want answers.  I like answers, too.

When I was in cube 44, I asked myself a lot of questions….A LOT and OFTEN.  I struggled answering my own questions.  “Why am I really here”?, “What is the lesson”?, “How did this happen”?, “What will my life be like when I get out”?, “Am I a failure, now”?.  “Will I be accepted or cast away”?…

I suppose it’s human nature for the analyzing and calculating mind to search for concrete answers, but for me, and overtime, I stopped asking questions.  I stopped caring about the answers, and relaxed, realizing there were more important things than answers.

Accepting the situation, didn’t mean agreeing with the situation, but accepting was far less conflicting for me, than trying to fix or control something I absolutely couldn’t control.   Once I turned my questions around and asked, “Holly, what can you take from this experience”? “Holly, what does it say about you, in the way you are thinking about others”? “Holly, what challenges are you learning to overcome that you can share with your kids and help them see the world more rationally”?

Once I started asking better questions, my life felt different.  I felt different. I felt better.

I’ve heard it said… “The quality of your life is determined by the questions you ask of yourself.”

Maybe I write because, I enjoy it…I think that is my truest answer. Thanks for asking me the question.

In-joy, Holly

 

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